Warranty Period
by fastpilot
Summary: A company employee regrets the unusual warranty clause he authorized on his company's product. Implied charcter death.


Disclaimer: I don't mention anybody I don't own, so, nya, nyah, nya, nyah, nyahhh! This is set in the AU of The Summers File, call it background filler.....And yes, I tease, ask my wife ;^) Pst. More coming, in just a while. Warning: Implied character death. Mwahhahaha!!!  
  
PS. Plugging favorites. Evenstar, Damia, Zarrah, Boulder, AfterDark, The Grynne, and others I can't recall right now if me bollocks depended on it!!! I'd be so happy if Damia would make progress on OTMA! And it seems so long abandoned (I know its only a month). Oooh, I love that one. XOXOXOX if you finish it (well, more likely, respect from a distance).  
  
  
  
  
  
Return Merchandise Authorization  
  
A record of the regret and disbelief a certain company employee feels after allowing the inclusion of an unusual lifetime clause in one of its Custom Products contracts.  
  
  
  
  
  
RMA3_1_17_03 on PO CUST_SKU5_8_7_02 Outer two torso layers returned, evident claw marks penetrating each layer. Probable 4,700ft/lbs of trauma. Repair/Replacement cost, $370.00, Warranty coverage 100%. Note: Item shows signs of heavy general wear.  
  
  
  
RMA1_2_6_03 on PO CUST_SKU5_8_7_02 Left leg returned, evident bite destroying rigging/webbing, pulled seams throughout section. Probable 7,200ft/lbs of trauma. Repair/Replacement cost, $590.00, Warranty coverage 100%. Note: This dude work in the circus? He needs a night job.  
  
  
  
RMA4_4_2_03 on PO CUST_SKU5_8_7_02 Outer torso section returned, multiple gunshots. Probable cumulative 60,000plus ft/lbs of trauma. Repair/Replacement cost, $750.00, Warranty coverage 100%. Note: OK. Who got a happy handing out guns in the Primate House? This person must hate their life.  
  
  
  
RMA1_4_28_03 on PO CUST_SKU5_8_7_02 Right arm section returned, plus chipped front trauma plate and outer two torso layers with pulled seams. Estimate 2,900ft/lbs trauma by fabric and seam damage. Haven't ever had to calc a trauma plate, don't know yet. Repair/Replacement cost, $2,899.00, Warranty coverage 100%. Note: This person is costing us money. We are now officially in the hole on the purchase order. I hate their life. Note: Ballistics says at least 200,000ft/lbs over no more than one square inch would have to have been present to break that plate. Anybody should have been killed to see that kind of force. If this item comes back, I recommend a local distributor other than Mr. Rudolph and preferably a factory rep personally make delivery.  
  
  
  
RMA4_5_9_03 on PO CUST_SKU5_8_7_02 Entire torso section returned, including trauma plates. Evident corrosion/piercing of plates. Outer layer of entire suit gives evidence of partial mastication and digestion. Embrittlement is seen in the Tedlar and Kevlar, consistent with high incident radiation. Not even going to estimate the trauma. Repair/Replacement cost, total loss, $8,800.00, Warranty coverage 100%. Note: West Coast rep Brianna Hasson has this to say: b George, cordially, 5/8/2003 Not only are we going to honor the contract without a hitch as far as I'm concerned, if you get word we're going to challenge it, tell me first; I want a running start on her. Like to Ultima Thule. And her friends, brrr! Sincerely, B. Hasson /b Note: What, for sweet the love of Christ, can dissolve boron nitride in a boron titanium matrix-inquiring chemists want to know. Note: Why, does ANYBODY need this back at this point? Huh?! The holes matched up! I looked. Something went through this person's belly just under the sternum, and punched through the other side. Question, what are the odds our competition's doing this to screw with us? If it weren't for Brianna, I'd say 100%. Note: Her!?!?! I mean it was a small suit, but a her! And she's got friends? Sheesh. It's worth your life just to stand next to her.  
  
  
  
RMA2_#_#_## on PO CUST_SKU5_8_7_02 Item returned for disposal. End user deceased. Warranty period terminated. I'm tempted to add, and good riddance. But I guess I really only mean, requiescat in pace. Note: Found charred and melted lignin and cellulose in a single relatively small puncture in the left side, angling upwards and in from the lower left torso. Nothing wooden should have been able to do it, can't figure it out. That's the only damage. Estimated Repair/Replacement cost, $130.00. I'm paying for it myself and sending it back, Bri says she'll hand carry it to the survivors. I want it out of here. I can't throw it out. Tried. Went dumpster diving twenty minutes later. I couldn't tell you why. I've been amazed and appalled at how its come in before, but holding it now is like hugging a corpse, like dancing on graves. It's like grief is seeping out of it. The whole office is creeped out, even sales and purchasing and they've got nothing to do with it. Jokes are all going flat. Place feels like a morgue.  
  
We're in the business of saving lives here. It doesn't belong here. 


End file.
